Maybe this charmer promised a worthwhile future with lofty and romantic words, only to make you feel like those statements were a form of gaslighting when the future arrived.
Walfish doesn’t mince words when she describes the type of person who would treat a partner this way, and she notes that once you pinpoint this form of subtle abuse, the first thing to do is to accept it for what it is. "The silent treatment functions to keep the receiver in suspense of what will happen, and unsure of what they did wrong and how bad it is," Walfish says.
Or perhaps you notice that your partner shrugs things off by saying, “Oh please, I’ve had it worse than you” and then proceeds to launch into a diatribe of their own troubles. The lies will come so effortlessly, that they may even have difficulty remembering the original lie they told, so they will have to come up with even more lies. The biggest tip-off in identifying red flags in a partner is how uneasy the partner makes you feel.
One of the cornerstones of abusive relationships is how the abusers love to lie to their partners. Abusers never take responsibility for their words or actions. If you begin to notice the above red flags more quickly and if those red flags are blaring in a neon fashion at you, then you know that person is not right for you.
Walfish says that emotional abuse in a relationship is not always easy to spot and that some forms of it can even seem flattering at first.