While there are no quick fixes, developing a clearer picture of your working models and how these might be affecting your relationships is a good starting point.
Take some time to think critically about your past relationships – put it down on paper if it’s useful or seek the help of a trained professional – and try to develop greater awareness of your transference patterns and when they occur.
This may mean that he or she finds it more difficult to form stable, trusting relationships in the future.
Once you have an idea of your transference patterns, the next step is to identify cues observed in a new person or context that evoke those patterns.
What traits, behaviours or experiences with an ex (or exes) act as triggering cues in new relationships?
It may seem that new relationships are entirely fuelled by dreams and hopes for a perfect future.
But the past can have a powerful influence too – often more so than we would like to admit.
One piece of advice I have found useful is to use an IF-THEN plan.