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Occasionally there are reasons why you can’t join him, but he should be making an attempt to involve you. Is he leaving for work much earlier than he needs to and coming home later?

Invite yourself along when he goes out with his friends. Unfaithful partners may leave the house right after their shower, just to have breakfast with someone else.

He says he doesn’t feel comfortable joining your family for a special dinner, but doesn’t want you to stay home with him. He makes excessive ATM withdrawals, but he can’t point to any large purchases to explain where the money went. There are expenditures and phone numbers that he doesn’t want you to see, so he has credit card and phone bills sent to his work instead of home. Frequent movers use them but usually not someone who has lived in the same house for fifteen years.

His job and his paycheck are the same but his workload seems to have doubled. And why won’t he discuss the details of that huge, time-consuming project he’s now on? Or maybe he’s rented a mailbox for bills, new credit cards or private letters. Someone may want a post office box for safety reasons, too.

Or, regardless of “buy one, get one free” airline and hotel specials, he says, “we can’t afford” to extend his business trip into a mini-vacation for both of you. You both used to have an open-door policy concerning shared finances, but now he insists on handling it all.