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The hook was barbed, and now you’re stuck, because pulling it out will cause you pain—the pain of abandoning a person who depends on you—along with hurting the VP, who, you conveniently forget, got along just fine before you came along. Use of guilt, bullying, and emotional blackmail to gain compliance. You’re having to make uncomfortable tradeoffs, to choose between serving your master and attending to your needs, which seem to pale in comparison to the VPs.

Your parents want you to come for dinner, but the VP is having a crisis.

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We’ve all heard their sad stories and been sucked into the tragedy and drama. Below are five red flags that will help you determine when a VP is playing you, along with five contrasting traits of true survivors. You’re asked to do a minor favor, something seemingly innocuous and inconsequential that causes you little trouble or expense. Then come the IOUs, which the VP’s strapped circumstances will make you hesitate to cash in on. As you become the VP’s helper, your stature grows to heroic proportions.

Your child needs help with homework, but the VP has to unload the horrors of the day.